oh! so many emotions

Newsletter No. 2

Oh

[exclamation]

- “used to express different emotions, such as surprise, disappointment, and pleasure”

This definition of Cambridge Dictionary is exactly what I feel when I’m drawing. 

About a year ago I started doing some online courses, as for me they were really easy to access. I saw this instagram ad various times and it caught my attention. Finally I got hooked with a good offer and purchased 3 courses. I remember how excited I felt and loved all the detailed instructions: which material to use, useful exercises and how to create a finished art piece. The courses were super basic – so they were ideal for me to start with.

Usually I would rush through the course but I somehow enjoyed each exercise and took the time to finish one task before moving to the next one. It worked out so well. Everytime I looked at my drawings I thought: oh! [exclamation of surprise]

Now, after finishing these (and other) courses, I am super motivated to bring my own ideas to paper. There are these gorgeous drawings in my head, with lots of detail. And when I start drawing, a different thought comes into my mind: oh! [exclamation of disappointment]

One of my first drawing attempts.

I face so many struggles that I don’t even know where to begin: the composition doesn’t work, the colours don’t feel right, I can’t draw people/animals/landscapes/…, did I even pick the right material?

I realise I can only draw a few things and often this feels frustrating. 

It is so hard for me to break down my ideas. But sometimes I just grab my sketchbook and a pencil or brush and start drawing before thinking too much. Instead of drawing a whole landscape I’m just drawing one tree. And this makes me think: oh! [exclamation of pleasure]

Enjoyed drawing this tree.

During these situations I just enjoy the process. I am courageous and play around with the material I have. And I try not to think about the outcome and just focus on the process. But to be honest, it rarely works. Why is this so hard?

But anyway, something is changing. I’m not as critical as I was at the very beginning. When I look at my drawings, I find aspects that surprise me and other aspects that I imagined differently and that feel a bit disappointing. But overall I am pleased that it was me who created this drawing. And I am also quite proud about everything I have learned so far. 

This feels like a good moment for me to celebrate how proud I am of myself. I don’t say this very often and it feels good and weird at the same time. But instead of focusing on everything I still need to learn, I have a look back at everything I have done so far. I’m sure, there would be lots of things I could be proud of, if I wasn’t that critical. And I guess I’m not the only one… so if you were waiting for a sign to be less critical of yourself, maybe this is it?